she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
