He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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