Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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