My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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