Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
