Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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