I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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