This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
