why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
