My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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