she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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