You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
