Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
