Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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