The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
