Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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