Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
