tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
