since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
