Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize