Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
