Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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