I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
