Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
