Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
