the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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