ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
