did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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