New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
