Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
