i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
