did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
