i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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