And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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