Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
