Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
