Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
