Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
