Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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