it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
