lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
