your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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