We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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