I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
