I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
