Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
