We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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