Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
