OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
