these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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