so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
