i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
