i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
