I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
