A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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