This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
