You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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