I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
