the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
