I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize