remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
