I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
