you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
