Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
