Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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