Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
