Sry I called you an 8
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
