I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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