my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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