It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
