you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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