A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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