What a fucking waste of an outfit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
