you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Help. Why am I so naked?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
