i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
