it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
